The ease and anonymity of the internet provides dangerous grounds for children kids and easy access for stalkers, predators and pedophiles. Internet chat rooms, message boards, instant messengers and social networking sites give quick and easy access to adults and children of all ages. Usernames are created, fake photos are posted and no proof of identity is required.
Teenagers pretend to be adults; adults pretend to be children. On the internet, people choose to be anyone they want at any given time. Internet stalkers, predators and pedophiles use this opportunity to get to know their prey and lure the unsuspecting victims. Recognizing the common characteristics is essential for keeping children safe and for getting potential predators the help they need early on, before they can harm someone else’s child.
Obsessive-Compulsive Behaviors
Stalkers, child predators and pedophiles are plagued with obsessive thoughts, images and impulses related to their particular fantasies and urges. The preferred stimulus is usually highly specific, such as gender, age and specific features or attributes. They may deviate from the preferences under extreme circumstances but there is rarely a significant deviance.
Behavior, thoughts and actions may intensify during periods of high stress or when presented with easy opportunity. The obsessions often start out as un-acted upon thoughts and images that slowly progress into intense and uncontrollable urges. When images and thoughts become unsatisfying, the behavior may slowly progress to the point of acting upon the urges.
Depending on the extent of the obsessions, once the predator has acted upon his thoughts and images, the behavior often escalates rapidly, becoming a major aspect of his life. In many cases, the predator experiences sexual dysfunction without access to the preferred stimulus, despite being married or in a mutual relationship, and the stalking or pedophilia may become the main source of sexual activity in his life.
It is important to note, however, that not all stalkers are sexual predators. Their fantasies and urges may be completely non-sexual. Regardless, the activity is harmful and intended to instill fear in the victim. This obsession may be with one specific person or with a specific image or feature.
Antisocial, Personality and Conduct Disorders
Internet stalkers, predators and pedophiles commonly exhibit full or partial signs of various personality disorders and disturbances are frequent. They may prefer to be online and avoid going out in public. Developing relationships and making friends are often issues and the person may appear withdrawn when confronted with social situations aside from the anonymity of the internet.
Children and teens may experience Conduct Disorder or Antisocial behavior such as physical and verbal aggression, intimidating others, lying or coning others and deliberate violation of the rules. He may be impulsive and reckless and lack remorse or sympathy.
Evidence of narcissism may be present such as an exaggerated sense of importance or superiority and a great need for admiration. He may feel that only his victims can understand him, that his victims are jealous of him or that he is entitled to compliance of his expectations.
He may have real or imagined fears of abandonment, express rapid emotional shifts and have difficulty maintaining personal relationships. They use manipulation to gain trust and build the illusion of a meaningful relationship with the victim.
Power, Control and Manipulation
Stalkers, child predators and pedophiles are masters at manipulation and have a great need for power and control. They often have a history of manipulation by lying or conning others for a variety of reasons – usually to obtain materials or privileges, gain access to their object of obsession, increase power and control or to avoid consequences.
Quite often, but not always, the lies and falsehoods they tell are believable and based on what they believe the other person wants and needs to hear. The perpetrator is often delusional and believes the falsehoods to be true. In other cases, he uses these methods as a convincing way to gain trust and sympathy.
History of Abuse, Low Self-Esteem and Depression
Children and adults with a past history of abuse, not only sexual abuse, are at a higher risk of becoming abusers themselves. However, it is important to understand that not all sexually abused children go on to be abusers themselves. The risk is even greater among abused children that have not had proper treatment and on-going therapy directly related to the abuse.
It is common for predators and pedophiles to have a low self-image and suffer from depression, particularly if they have unresolved past abuse issues or know what they are doing and feeling is wrong. In some cases, the predator is ashamed and embarrassed by his actions and his need for preying on children.
Other cases show that the perpetrator has an inflated sense of self, truly believes his actions are justified and feels the only issues with his actions are due to a lack of understanding from others. Depression may result from intense guilt and shame or from lack of opportunity and access to children meeting his criteria.
Deviant Sexualized Behaviors
In most cases, there is a history of deviant sexualized behavior, with or without physical contact. This should be distinguished from normal childhood exploration and sexual development. Exhibitionism involves exposing oneself in public, in the presence of strangers or to unsuspecting friends. The behavior may progress to touching himself during the exposure in an attempt to shock others.
The perpetrator may have a history of frotteurism, which involves “accidently” touching or rubbing up against unsuspecting persons. This often occurs in public places where he is unlikely to be caught or is staged to be accidental.He may have a history of spying on others, peeping through windows, attempting to observe others as they dress and undress.
"Sexting", the common term form sex-texting, is a serious problem among teens and adolescents. Sexting alone may not be considered deviant sexualized behavior; however, it becomes an even bigger issue when the text messages are unwanted, overly-inappropriate or are targeted towards younger children. Sadistic fantasies and thoughts are occasionally present, in which the perpetrator finds enjoyment in the pain and suffering of others, however, this is less common.
Seeking Help for Teenage Predators and Pedophiles
Too often, parents do not realize there is a problem before it is too late. Parents may be unaware or ignore early warning signs, which are often present by mid-childhood and adolescence (see Warning Signs, Misconceptions & Identifying Online Child Predators for more information). Getting professional help early on, through intensive therapy and even law enforcement if necessary, is essential to the child’s success with treatment and preventing him from harming another child.
Contact a therapist in your area that specializes in deviant sexualized behavior, conduct disorder, personality disorders, sexual assault or sexually aggressive youth. A family counselor or general behavior counselor will not have the specialized training required for the type of therapy the child needs; however, they may be able to refer you to an appropriate therapist.
Parents are likely to need counseling as well to deal with the mixed emotions and feelings. Parent support groups offer a way for parents with similar issues to share ideas and stories, support each other, share resources and provide moral support.
If there are siblings in the home, whether older, younger, male or female, parents must ensure the safety of others in the home. Never leave siblings alone or unsupervised with a suspected predator, regardless of past experiences and behavior.
As difficult as it is for parents, the possibility of separating the siblings or involving law enforcement may be necessary for everyone’s safety. Involving law enforcement does not mean that the child will automatically be charged and convicted of a criminal offense, but is a step towards ensuring that the child has access to the help and treatment that is needed.
Parents must be willing to do whatever it takes to get the child help, ensure he is not able to harm another child and protect other members of the family. The therapists, law enforcement and other agencies are there to help and they all have the same goal in common – to get the child the help he needs and protect others from harm.
What to do if Your Child is Being Stalked
Prevention is the best method for keeping your child safe from internet predators and pedophiles (see Protecting Your Children from Internet Predators and Pedophiles for more information). Unfortunately, it is not always possible for parents to protect their children from the real-life dangers of the internet.
If you suspect that your child is being stalked or is in contact with a child predator or pedophile, do not hesitate to contact local law enforcement immediately. Save all correspondences and information obtained through your child. Also, report the activity to the hosting internet company where the contact occurred (chat room operator, instant messaging company or website administrator). Limit your child’s computer use to school-related projects during supervised computer times.
If possible, block any further communication with person, and if necessary, restrict your child’s internet access. Continue to monitor your child’s behavior and activities and do not allow the child to meet up with the person. Know the child’s whereabouts at all times and supervise all activities if necessary.
Never leave your child or teen alone and unsupervised if there is any suspicion your child is being stalked or in contact with a predator or pedophile. Work closely and cooperatively with local law enforcement and seek professional counseling services for your child to deal with and overcome the issues and feelings caused by the perpetrator.
*While the designation ‘he’ may be used to represent all children and adults, the use of ‘he’ does not imply this is relevant only to males. The information is equally relevant to females. The designation of ‘he’ or ‘she’ should be considered interchangeable.
Photos ©Malysa Stratton Louk. All rights reserved. Photos may not be copied, borrowed, altered or reproduced in any way, either electronically or in print, without prior written permission from the copyright holder.
References and Resources:
“DSM-IV-TR Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders”; The American Psychiatric Association; 2000.
“Study of Stalkers”; The American Journal of Psychiatry; Paul E. Mullen, M.B.B.S., D.Sc., F.R.C.Psych., Michele Pathe, M.B.B.S., F.R.A.N.Z.C.P., Rosemary Purcell, B.A., M.Psych., and Geoffrey W. Stuart, B.A., B.Sc., Ph.D.; August 1999
Malysa Stratton Louk - Malysa Stratton Louk is a freelance writer, journalist & photographer in the Pacific Northwest. View her full profile for more ...
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